"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." -Mae West 

Friday, August 26, 2011

Because payback is a stone cold bitch, with a nine inch strap on.

Ok folks, here is the foreword of my book, "Dead Beats"... I will be posting additional chapters. As I have already mentioned -for those of you paying attention- I am 80 pages in and beginning chapter six... editing and revisions abound. I am sharing this for now, chapter one to follow shortly.comments are welcome, good, bad, ugly or indifferent.ciao ~b

Dead Beats

by: Bridgett Nicolace - Bird

"Honestly ma'am, this was the worst case of assault I have seen in ten years." ~Officer James Stys


Not a day went by I didn't feel the searing burn of regret permeate my senses, like a freshly hot iron pressed firmly against one pulsating exposed nerve. The sharp pangs of regret continued to resonate in the very depths of my shattered spirit; for every time my face had met the hard bone of his closed fist or when the heel of his foot abruptly slammed me head first to the floor. A regret that would leave a stark shadowy footprint in what seemed like an incurably broken heart.

I would regret not calling the police for every infraction against my well being and then ailing pride. I would regret having tolerated the intolerable behaviors, and having accepted an apology in lieu of forever dispelling his poisonous presence. Foolishly I remained for almost four years enduring the unacceptable behaviors of this small man; as I was continuously spoon fed his pitiful pleas to change.

I still regret he is a free. I regret that today he does not occupy a pen of steel bars, where he belongs. The humiliation and shame covered me like a thickly caked charcoal shawl...Until now.

Once upon a psychotic time, I desperately yearned that he be six feet under; solving the pesky divorce debacle. Thankfully, now on these pages I may craft the wonderful thoughts I could only embrace in my dreams. My wonderfully sordid daydreams filled with images of his body's rancid smatterings meeting its final destination against a rocky terrain or being violently thrust in an overzealous wood chipper. Obscure and rather troubling thoughts which I now bring to life, if only for a brief moment in the vivid world of my reader's imagination

The truth of the matter is, long after I have spun my tales of debauchery, I will continue to eagerly turn to the obituaries hoping to see his name. This cathartic finale would be a lasting antiseptic salve for my soul.

My story is developed under the veil of a fictional work. However, most of what happens to the main character along with the other characters - in terms of mental and physical abuse- is in fact truth. In many respects, these stories paint a picture of my past and writing this has granted me an indescribable measure of new found serenity.

This story is not written to garner a pitiful sense of empathy, but to turn something that was horrifying into something that is likely to entertain. Although, I don't care for labels nor did I ever personally care for the label of “victim”, I hope that if someone who wears this particular label -inconspicuously or otherwise- may read my book and endeavor to make change happen in their life. If this label is surreptitiously concealed in quiet despair, there can never be a change for the better. I know this all too well.

Speaking of “labels” or titles, I am proud of a few. I am a mother, a wife and a lawyer. The last being a title I am proud to have achieved but not a profession I choose to engage. This brings me to my final reason for writing my sordid little tale. Amongst my proudest accomplishments include raising my three sons -a work in progress-, finding and marrying my amazing husband and passing the bar exam...the first time. Although, not soon after I passed the bar exam, I discovered -rather quickly- how much I loathed the semantics of lawyering.

In fact, for the most part I find the entire profession to be rather dreadful. For reasons that most would expect to hear, including but not limited to the bureaucracy driven procedures which drive the mechanisms of “justice”.

With that said, I do not develop the main character of my book as a lawyer, but as a police officer. For two reasons, the first reason being police work is just cool, or at least I think so. What other job in the known universe are you able to carry a gun and chase around bad guys? Oh, and get free coffee? It's sheer unadulterated utopia, I tell you. Also, one paramount inspiration for my tale is Dexter, due in part for the ironic nature of how we love him so; however, while there are similarities my story has several distinctions. The main character murders only one particular kind of person – wife beaters- and they get what is justly deserved. Period.

Yet another distinguishing feature, is that all the fictional victims endure truths of my past. Everyone of my unfortunate fictional victims will abide tiny tid-bits of insanity that I had endured in my marriage.

Lastly, once I finally publish I would prefer not to put people to sleep with the minutia that is lawyering. Rest assured lawyering is far less glamorous than it appears on TV. As many of you know, it is far more likely to settle a case or arrange a plea bargain rather than go to trial. They say 'truth is stranger than fiction', but it can also be incredibly boring. Plus, lawyering shows on prime time make me want to throw up in my mouth. Why write a book about it? No thank you.

Admittedly, I think the foundation of our system sounds good in theory; the Constitution of the United States of America. -While, I am not looking to spark a heated debate about a person's political views or the like.- However, I think many of us can agree for instance, that at times doctrines which are designed to keep important evidence out of the courtroom, at times allows persons who by all accounts should be behind bars are free to roam the streets.

Many procedural safeguards that are designed to protect our people allow for what most of us would call a miscarriage of justice. Bearing this in mind, what is best? To establish no precedence or guideline? Understandably, this is not the answer. It is as many of us say and most of us believe, our freedom is not free. In other words, to afford protection to all, the price is that some may walk free when clearly they should not.

When you are sworn in to practice law, they proudly proclaim at your swearing in that you will always be a lawyer. Something no one can ever take from you; as if it is an unconditional brand on your hide. If that is true, as an officer of the court I am perpetually bound to uphold the U.S. Constitution and to respect the laws of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. But deep within the murky depths of my mind, visions of cruel vengeance dance in my head; for all whom justice was once ill served.

Ask yourself the question, is it really enough punishment for these horrifying “human beings” to live amongst us in shame? Or do they deserve more?

It is hard for the mind to wander aimlessly into a maelstrom of conceivable tragedy. A loved one falling victim to the clutches of a predator, rapist, abuser or otherwise. As mothers we consume ourselves daily with worry about a simple fall down the stairs or the like; never mind a life altering tragedy. I would like to believe I would allow our system to dole out justice should the unthinkable occur. Men or women who strike their spouse are predators as well, they merely have a different prey.

Understandably, I have a passionate distaste for wife beaters or abusers of any kind. While I do not condone murder, something about it seems to intrigue the human brain. So I don't feel alone in my fascination with this morbid side of humanity. It has fascinated me since I was a little girl. -Beaming with pride- just name a serial killer, I can tell you all about em'.

I am certain this makes me odd, and for those who know me seem to embrace the quality, so for now.... I will keep it just the same. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, and for that I will never solely practice law; mindlessly marching to our judicial system's staccato beat. My story brings you into my macabre daydream of murder and vigilante justice.

Payback sure is a fucking bitch. Enjoy.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

is this thing on...hello!! -check, check-

Testing!!! TESTING! Yes it has happened, brace yourselves; I have managed to create myself a lil' blog action. In between diaper changes, drinking wine baking and cleaning, I have managed to find time in my week. -i feel so modern now- For several reasons, at the top of the list, with a bullet, is sheer boredom. Secondly, I like to write, no strike that I LOVE to write.

I thought to myself, "Bridgett this could be the perfect medium to release the inner most thoughts that fuel the cogs of my genius mind my brain."

The other reason is primarily to annoy with my borderline psychotic rants; that and I have been writing a book for about three months... give or take. Then one day it occurred to me - ::light bulb::- I should share some random excerpts to gain perspective on my work. The idea is, I post and you comment, mostly nice stuff would be good.

For now I am approximately 80ish pages into the book; I know it doesn't sound like much but I feel as though I have accomplished a feat akin to scaling Mount Everest with the daily domestic duties that beckon me. So humor me won't you? They say it's quality over quantity. ::sigh:: It is a passion of mine, but alas a monumental undertaking. One of which I pray has a decent outcome.

Shortly, I plan to submit the manuscript to a few publishers I have already selected. Notwithstanding the response I may or may not receive, I think I may continue to publish as an eBook. We shall see, I guess. Which brings me to another reason for creating this blog, I just starting looking into artists who may design a cover for me; since my proverbial "talent" ends with writing. Let's leave it at that shall we? So if any of my readers know someone or if you are an artist and would be willing to help me with this endeavor, I would like to speak with you. I am, of course, willing to pay; should we come to a reasonable price.

Enough about that, I wanted to tell you a little something about my wonderful family; and share a little glimpse of my swirling torrent of lunacy. My name is Bridgett, I am 35ish a proud mother of three boys. I am a lawyer/stay at home mom. I went through about ten years of college to become a lawyer only to realize how much I loathe the profession. Although from my years of academia and teaching, I was thankfully able to fine tune my writing. Therefore, it wasn't all for not and that's how I look at it. This perspective prevents me from randomly lashing out irrationally.

I went to college for ten years, yes you read that right. Ten lousy rotten years and what I have to show for it, four degrees that are now collecting dust in my "horderesque" type basement. Except for the big fancy one that hangs on my wall -that one says "Doctor". That's just fancy schmancy talk for overpriced dickhead. I have a degree in computer science but I can't figure out how to turn that bastard widget button -------> into an image file. Blast!!!!

Truth of the matter is, law school was fun. It was much like a cult and I swear upon admission you lose about ten percent of your forward thinking brain matter. Yet, we are supposed to be the great legal minds of our country? The irony would astound you, as study groups would nearly break out into fist fights over hypothetical fact patterns and which appropriate rule of law applies; grown adults would bicker like junior high students about matters such as, "Did you give so and so my study guide, how dare you!!"

Regrettably, I must admit, however, that I would rather re-do law school a hundred times than attempt another full time swing at the practice. I am happy to take on cases part-time, but anything more than that would bring on frontal lobe brain hemorrhaging accompanied by foaming at the mouth and numb appendages. So I figured, why not write? It's what I love. Here I am, and there that is -in a nutshell-.

My offspring includes:

Myles Zappa - Revision #1 - 06.13.99. Myles middle name is Zappa -as in Frank Zappa- because he was born during one of my "finding myself" moments in time . Oddly it suits him, but honestly not one of my best judgments in parenthood. I was twenty something, so sue me. We are all morons in our twenties.....seriously. I can say that with confidence since I survived mine; by some stroke of a miracle. Myles is a comedian and he makes me belly laugh often, and for this trait I am thankful.

Jacob (a.k.a the Cob) - Revision #2 - 02.12.03. The Cob is my red headed imp, he is literally a smaller version of me. I am surprised he doesn't have permanent slap marks gentle stroke-like patterns surrounding his mouth for all the times he has said the word "whatevs". He is extremely strong willed and stubborn headed. At times this may be a great trait upon entering adulthood, but not when you are eight years old and attend Catholic school. Oh Cob, what am I going to do with you, I do love him so.

Jameson - Revision #3 - 09.11.10. Jameson is my youngest son and I have to admit, his adorableness overwhelms me daily. I am what most psychiatrists would call, "obsessed"...ahemmm. I mean clearly he is the most adorable baby in modern day existence. On a daily basis I continue to be perplexed as to how no one else sees this!?

This is my husband, Mr. James Bird, and he is the most amazing man alive. Ladies, you are out of luck because I snagged him off the market for good on June 11th, 2011. Na na na na na!! Jim is a saint because he listens to my daily rantings. You folks are lucky enough to only passively read my thoughts, this poor guy LIVES it everyday. Imagine that, imagine the mental fortitude of that very undertaking. This is what I am talking about here, people. the.man.is.a.saint.period.

Plus he has a giant penis great heart, and is willing to do anything for friends or family. He is my best friend and I would not be half the person I am today without him. He will forever be a part of me. -end sappy rantings-

This is our little clan. Posting more soon. Follow me if you like, more to come.

ciao ~b